What I'm Talking About When I'm Talking About Dreaming

When you're little you have big plans. They are plans which come with being young, having your whole life in front of you and more or less not knowing better. Since these are usually longshots that noone can or will tell you aren't likely to happen, they get grouped together as your dreams. While an actual dream may have you flying or speaking in front of your whole school while naked, these are things that under the right circumstances could possibly happen. Anyone who has ever achieved them has begun with the dream of one day doing them. In that regard, you've completed the first step.

Then life catches up with you. Things aren't as easy as they seem and that person who achieved the dream you're aspiring to... well, they're the one who did it. There were other people who also wanted to do the same thing, who dreamed the dream just like them, who never got there. You don't hear their stories because there's no way you could document them all. They are swept away by the rushing horde who follows the one person who did achieve their dream. When Eminem says "You can do anything you set your mind, man," at the end of Lose Yourself, he's speaking from his own experience. He just omits that he was a remarkably talented and experienced individual who benefited from being in the right place to have the opportunity to do what he'd set his mind to doing.

I was young once with my whole life in front of me and the benefit of more or less not knowing better. During that time I had two dreams. One was to be an actor. The other was to be President of The United States. I wanted to be each of them because then I'd get to do something I was interested in all of the time. I'd be recognized being that person and that would come to define me to the world. All I wanted was the recognition and to know that people liked me. As I got older, those dreams began to melt and to become more reasonable. By the time I was 21, I wanted to be a film director or just an important local politician. There are way more people who can do those jobs. Then my dreams continued their slide. By the time I was 26, I wanted to be a writer or just someone who was a political insider. Even if I couldn't head the process, I could still be a part of it. Five years, a breakup and an economic crash later, I don't even believe in those dreams anymore. I've found my level and it is what has always been: interested observer. Nothing has changed except for the future as I imagined it. It never arrived.

What I've learned as I've gotten older is your dreams change. What you want out of life becomes less of a destination than a place, a continuous feeling over a one-time accomplishment. It's less about becoming something different and more about fully becoming yourself. Your personal identity is developed so you're less worried about something outside of yourself defining you. In fact, I'm more worried about something negatively defining me than I try to latch onto something positive. If I were more religious that might be different. As it is, I aim to represent the inner me to as many people as possible who want to know it.

Now, as I'm older and less and less naive, I have different dreams. They're things I started a long time ago and thought I would come back to if and when I ever got a chance. They were what I would do once I'd achieved my dreams and then could do whatever I wanted. The irony is I wanted the freedom which would come with success and have been provided that same freedom by abject failure. It's very much the same as the monetary freedom I enjoy because I didn't push myself academically and thus didn't incur astronomical amounts of debt by going to graduate school. P = q but not p can = q too.

My dream now is to have a room. It will have to be a place where I can complete my project and be able to leave it. One of the constants in my life since I was 16 is not living in the same place for very long. Part of that is my choice and it is in response to the part of it which is not. I'd like to be able to not need to tear it down. This room will be mine and it will reflect the inner me. To that extent I've been saving pictures and articles from magazines since I was 19 years old. I keep them in a tan plastic filebox which I dutifully slug from old apartment to new apartment waiting for the day they can all come out to stay. In it are basketball and baseball players I thought were cool, bands which I wanted to memorialize and even a few pictures I tore out because it made sense. They are just things I was interested in or thought looked cool. I'd like to have a place where I can put these mementos on the wall and just sit amongst them. I enjoy high-backed chairs and I will have one in my room. Whenever I'm feeling not like myself or want to reminisce that room will be my refuge. I won't keep snacks or work or even anything I'd use on a regular basis in there. And when I'm not using it, I will keep the door closed.

You can visit it if you'd like. But please be respectful of your surroundings. Take note this is what my dream became. My dream is to have a place which reminds me of the time when I still held onto my dreams. Others may lament the lose of their dreams or continue holding onto them under longer and longer odds. My dreams fulfilled their destiny to become nothing and I feel better for recognizing it. If they say it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, then I say the same is true of dreaming. And like love, I will not dream like I did as a young man. The loss of my dreams will not embitter me or cause me to close my heart to them. It will be a mature dream I seek, a better and more realistic dream for me to follow. One which is based on me who I am instead of the me I'd once hoped I'd become.

OMFG!!1!1! ITZ TEH WINDCHHILZ!1!!1!

I don't believe in the wind chill factor. Don't get me wrong. I do believe it exists. I'm merely stating its importance is over-stated. Its importance is in making pedestrian numbers sound SCARY!!!

Do you ever walk out the door when it's 40 degrees out, feel a 5 mph breeze and think "Man, it feels like it's 36 degrees today." NO! Because noone cares at that temperature. Even if the wind is whisking by at 60 mph, the windchill factor is still only 25 degrees. You'd be more concerned about how a tropical storm got to the Upper Midwest in the middle of January than how cold it feels like outside. It's even more meaningless when you get further down the scale. Can any of us really tell the difference between -10 degrees and -28?

But that's what gets the fonking headlines. A negative -10 degree temperature is bad. You wouldn't want to be standing around outside for too long when the mercury drops that low. But add a 10 mph wind and suddenly IT'S -28 WINDCHILL!!! THAT SOUNDS ALMOST THREE TIMES WORSE!!! CAN YOU FONKING BELIEVE WE LIVE SOMEWHERE IT "FEELS" LIKE -28 DEGREES OUT?!?!?

Take a step back for just a second. This is the methodology of how you determine wind chill. Wind chill is the heat transfer on a bare face walking into the wind at 3 mph. Sooo basically you can mitigate the effects of wind chill by not having exposed skin and/or not standing in the wind. Either this strikes you as common sense or you're a fool.

Here's what wind chill is expressing. Your body radiates heat. That heat stays close to your body as the energy required to diffuse with the air around you is quickly exhausted. The wind comes along to blow that heat away from your body. When it does, the air surrounding you is made colder. So instead of being 5 degrees mitigated by this layer of heat near your skin, it is 5 degrees next to your skin. (Ludo, how are my physics?)

So what you can do is trap this warm air near your skin. If the wind can't blow it away, then it will continue to shield you from the cold. You can either wear layers or a hat or a scarf or a less permeable jacket. Sounds like something Mom told you years ago, right?

Wind chill is, at best, a factor of inconvenience and discomfort. Wind chill won't make your car harder to start in the morning (your car doesn't naturally radiate heat) or cause frostbite (the cold itself has that locked down). It just means you may need to plan better about what you wear and how much exposure you get to the elements.

It's true. It is it's cold outside. It's January and we live in the middle of the continent north of the 40th parallel. So stay inside and while you're at it invite me over. I'll brave the cold because I'm well-prepared and don't believe in the windchill.

P.S. For those of you who care, here's the formula for calculating wind chill.


where Twc (wind chill) and Ta (actual temp) are measured in °F, and V (wind velocity) in mph.

Thoughts Before A Debate

The general consensus this election cycle is the Obama campaign needs to be careful about not being a bully, especially towards Sarah Palin. Let's set aside general politicking for a minute. I find it more interesting that bullying is considered the natural order of the Obama campaign if not politics in general.



It's odd to me because what one side perceives as bullying is often just criticism by the other side. Since the two-party system works best when the two sides are collaborating (because then it really is the will of the people and not just the ruling party), the necessary first step is to collect the consensus of the other party. Part of this consensus-building is defining and then mediating the differences between your viewpoint and that of your collaborator.

What has changed in America in the last 15 years is things have gotten really tight, really negative and really focused on winning. There is so much at stake in each race because of the former that candidates are willing to do the middle to because they are the latter. More and more candidates are doing it and will continue to do it because it works. People respond to clear, simplified black and white more enthusiastically than muddled greys.



Which flies completely in the face of the necessary first step of collaboration and actually harms American politics. Everything is so amped up and focused on ripping out the other guy's jugular what's lost that governance is really supposed to be about moving the whole country together into prosperity. That comes with making some sacrifices especially in the "always needing to be right" arena.

You need to slow things down, think about the three fingers pointing back when you point one away and use your reasoning to criticise yourself. If you were going to fight to the death, would this be the issue? Is this really something that you really want to be your legacy, the thing people think of when they think of you?



Each of the candidates for President this year are promising change. Obama has been known as a man who focuses on change since he gave the keynote address at the Democratic convention four years ago and John McCain's allure to voters on both sides of the aisle since 2000 springs from his deserved reputation as a bipartisan worker. I hope whomever wins in November stays true to his roots and he knows the way to really create change is through grace.

Our country has endured bullying as the modis operandi of politics for too long, almost a whole generation. It's time to begin collaborating again, not berating the other side into deep-held anger. The necessary first step in collaboration is to collect the consensus of the other party. Our focus should be on how we're the same and how we all can get better and not how we can win by pointing out the other side is wrong.

So that's why I was really saddened by the news this week. For all of the talk of change and maverick reformers by these two men I deeply respect, it's going to be politics as usual in the last month before the election. And that hurts even more than if it had just been another two Ivy League-educated, wealthy white men duking it out.

WWGD?

I keep a jar in my closet where I put the change I accumulate each day. Every time it's full I take it to a bank and have them turn it into bills. Today I went to Chase Bank near my work and asked them to count and consolidate the change in my jar.

They wouldn't count it if I wasn't a Chase Bank customer which I think it ludicrious. I was exchanging legal tender for legal tender. I wasn't asking them to cash a check from a different bank or anything like that. All I wanted was for them to use their machine to count the change and to give me an appropriate amount of bills back.

After arguing for five minutes including the particularly strong point that they could've run the machine and given me the bills in the time we'd argued, I left the bank feeling emasculated. I was going over the incident in my head as I walked away when it came to me. The answer to feeling better would be the answer to a simple question.

"What Would Guil Do?"

Guil, for those of you who don't know, is one of my best friends. He lived across the hall from me during our freshman year of college, I stood up in his wedding and ten years of knowing him means knowing he usually comes out on top. Not always because he's right either. Sometimes it's just being a good negotiator and not giving up on your point for any reason whatsoever.

As I walked to the closest Jewel grocery store to use one of their 9% charging coin-counting machines, I started to think about what Guil would've done. As I emptied my jar into the machine, what Guil would've done was forming in my mind. As I sat down at Jimmy John's for lunch, I was smiling. I knew exactly what I should've done.

I should've asked for the supervisor. Once I was talking to the supervisor about how stupid it is and that the cashier was being rude to me and raising her voice to me, I'm sure they would've counted my change and even apologized for inconveniencing me. Despite, of course, me not even being a customer of Chase Bank.

I can't wait for the next time my jar is full.