I finished Christian Lander's new book "Whiter Shade of Pale" A few months ago now and it's taken me a while to write about this a wonderful skewering of elitist liberal culture. An expansion and update of his super-successful Stuff White People Like blog and ensuing book deal, Whiter Shade of Pale takes us across the United States and into the womb-like pockets of true White America.
The amazing part about Stuff White People Like is it is the rare instance of the subject also being the target audience. Those amongst the right and the uncool aren't privy to what makes White America ridiculous so their criticisms lack wit. It is the type of comedy which doesn't come from Us vs. Them but Us vs. Us. As such you laugh at the same time as thinking "Am I really like that?"
Reasons I Am A White Person
1.) My family is Republican and I'm not.
But by "my family" I mean anyone I'm related to over the age of 50. Basically if you are from the generation ahead of mine in my family, they did a really good job providing for their children thru determination and hard work. Now that they've paid for my entire college tuition (all 5 years), I'd appreciate if they'd give back all of the money they earned. Not because they've stopped working hard. Just because I saw the enormous positive influence that money had on my life and can't imagine anyone else would have to go without those advantages either. The irony is fighting to keep it for themselves in the name of dedication and hard work is the same thing as fighting to eventually give most of it to me, someone who didn't earn it. So I'm going to be the unwitting benefactor of a system tipped in my favor while the future George Washington Carvers & Jonas Salks will have to deal with shoddy science books. Meanwhile the future Howard Zinn will just shake his head.
2.) I don't follow ANY religion.
Don't let my grandmother read this. But the last time I went to church when it wasn't a wedding, ordination or funeral was 2005. Not a big deal, you say? The Church isn't for everyone? More spiritual than religious? Yeah, I'm not into that either. Here's a quick rundown of my "religious" beliefs; If you're going to follow a system of values professed by a human, they should be the ones which focus on humanity. Any mythology not relating to life as we know it is irrelevant. I get that it was metaphorical and meant for a less-educated audience. I'm a more-educated audience and for me the holy trinity begins with Freud, Nietzsche & Marx. Our worldly problems have real-world causes and we have the very real capability and responsibility to fix them. Leave the ghosts to Hamlet. Or, even better, leave them to Scooby Doo.
3.) I like a lot of things that are listed in the book.
Including the first book, I'm guilty of liking the following:
Coffee, Barack Obama, Wes Anderson Movies, Having Black Friends, International Travel, David Sedaris, Not Having A TV, Wrigley Field, Architecture, Brunch, Arrested Development, Netflix, Indie Music, Sushi, Plays, Liberal Arts Degrees, Irony, Dogs, Documentaries, Japan, Bicycles, Knowing What's Best For Poor People, Recycling, Standing Still At Concerts, Michel Gondry, Mos Def, Difficult Breakups, Threatening to Move to Canada, The Idea of Soccer, Hating Corporations, T-shirts, Shorts, Having Gay Friends, St. Patrick's Day, San Francisco, Music Piracy, New Balance Shoes, Beards, Noam Chomsky, Self-Deprecating Humor, Integrity, The Criterion Collection, High School English Teachers, Free Health Care, Che Guevarra, Non-American News Sources, Subtitles, The ACLU, Platonic Friendships, Dave Chappelle, Nintendo Wii, The Simpsons, Avoiding Confrontation, Books, Music Festivals, Glasses, McSweeney's, Hardwood Floors, Bakeries, Modern Art Museums, Cheese, Self-Importance, Conan O'Brien, British Slang, Anthony Bourdain, Nannies, Messenger Bags, Punk Rock, Promising To Learn A New Language, The World Cup, Self-Aware Hip-Hop References, Trivia, Whole Wheat, Ugly Sweater Parties, Monty Python, The Onion, Short Stories, Alternative Newspapers, Losing Weight, Trader Joe's, Supporting The Troops But Not The War, Bob Marley, Road Trips, Girls With Bangs, Swimming, Google, Hummus, Olives, Facebook, Cult Movies, The Big Liebowski, Peacoats, Vice Magazine's Dos and Don'ts, Punctuality, Waiting In Line, Taking A Year Off, The Winter Olympics, The Office, Banksy and Being Offended.
Mea Culpa
And in the face of such glaring evidence I have to plea guilty because the truest mark of a White Person is the hypocrisy of believing you aren't when you very clearly are. One of my heroes is George Carlin and one of his funniest stories is of the night he heard a couple talking in the front row of his show. The husband was upset by one of Carlin's jokes and Carlin overheard the wife say to the husband, "It's okay, honey. He isn't talking about us." I laugh at Stuff White People Like because I get to laugh at an unobstructed view of myself.
Showing posts with label indexed posts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label indexed posts. Show all posts
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Monday, June 14, 2010
Need A Go-Go Girl Who Dance Like Lady Gaga
Last night I went to a Lady Gaga-themed 30th birthday party for a friend. Attendees were encouraged to dress like Gaga or in Gaga-inspired outfits. Some people took their direction from Gaga videos and replicated the bubble outfit or the Diet Coke rollers. Other people simply wrapped themselves in electrical tape or something sparkly because nothing which is aware and celebrates its oddness is really un-Gaga. I myself took the four aces and a joker from a deck of cards and stuck them to my forehead with double-stick tape.
It all relates to a simple truth. Like or dislike her music (I personally like it), it would be pretty difficult to deny Gaga's influence as a cultural force. In the last two years she has released 8 new singles and 7 of them have been top 10 hits with the most recent being the Isla Bonita-esque "Alejandro." What distinguishes Gaga as a cultural force is that each video is a envelope-pushing production and the new video is no exception.
In her early videos, she celebrated rockstar-like Midwest partying, L.A. decadence and, like a good New Yorker, New York. Then came the dual turning points of "Paparazzi" and "Bad Romance" where the now-famous Gaga began making insider points/mocking the celebrity culture which now enveloped her. By the time "Telephone" and its unabashed product placements arrived Gaga was both ensconced in the business-side of things while winking at us from the art-for-arts-sake side. How "Alejandro" distiguishes itself from Gaga's earlier videos is the type of iconography it choses to ape.
It's disappointing to me Gaga's first foray from what she'd done well with into new turf didn't take her anywhere interesting. Gone are American influences as Gaga draws from an even deeper pool. Unfortunately the influences she draws are the tired and worn-out trifecta of Fascism, Catholicism and Victorianism. If she's feeling restricted from producing her art (and quite unworthily so) the play isn't to recycle cliche. Even if it reads as unintentional homage to Madonna, it's a rare misstep from Gaga and hopefully one she doesn't soon duplicate.
So why didn't it work? I'd offer this as a simple possibility. We Americans have our cultural feet placed deep one-each into two cultural pools: that of Europe and that of Africa. Gaga represents an excellent balance between those two cultural pools. It's not a stretch to call her music techno or to call it R&B. Some may look down their rock critic noses at dance pop here in the Anglosphere but dance music is what makes the rest of the world move. You could play "Alejandro" in an international setting and not seem over-reaching or out-of-place in either Stockholm or Malawi. Gaga's American melting pot is what distinguished her from other also-rans. I put forth the video doesn't work because it tilts to formalism while forgetting about that world-moving sensation of dancing.
The truth is Gaga is one of only two American popular artists who have actual credibility within all but the shrewdly discriminating of our culture. If her career follows the arc of Justin Timberlake's (an artist who has his own internationally-infused songs), she'll be just fine.
It all relates to a simple truth. Like or dislike her music (I personally like it), it would be pretty difficult to deny Gaga's influence as a cultural force. In the last two years she has released 8 new singles and 7 of them have been top 10 hits with the most recent being the Isla Bonita-esque "Alejandro." What distinguishes Gaga as a cultural force is that each video is a envelope-pushing production and the new video is no exception.
In her early videos, she celebrated rockstar-like Midwest partying, L.A. decadence and, like a good New Yorker, New York. Then came the dual turning points of "Paparazzi" and "Bad Romance" where the now-famous Gaga began making insider points/mocking the celebrity culture which now enveloped her. By the time "Telephone" and its unabashed product placements arrived Gaga was both ensconced in the business-side of things while winking at us from the art-for-arts-sake side. How "Alejandro" distiguishes itself from Gaga's earlier videos is the type of iconography it choses to ape.
It's disappointing to me Gaga's first foray from what she'd done well with into new turf didn't take her anywhere interesting. Gone are American influences as Gaga draws from an even deeper pool. Unfortunately the influences she draws are the tired and worn-out trifecta of Fascism, Catholicism and Victorianism. If she's feeling restricted from producing her art (and quite unworthily so) the play isn't to recycle cliche. Even if it reads as unintentional homage to Madonna, it's a rare misstep from Gaga and hopefully one she doesn't soon duplicate.
So why didn't it work? I'd offer this as a simple possibility. We Americans have our cultural feet placed deep one-each into two cultural pools: that of Europe and that of Africa. Gaga represents an excellent balance between those two cultural pools. It's not a stretch to call her music techno or to call it R&B. Some may look down their rock critic noses at dance pop here in the Anglosphere but dance music is what makes the rest of the world move. You could play "Alejandro" in an international setting and not seem over-reaching or out-of-place in either Stockholm or Malawi. Gaga's American melting pot is what distinguished her from other also-rans. I put forth the video doesn't work because it tilts to formalism while forgetting about that world-moving sensation of dancing.
The truth is Gaga is one of only two American popular artists who have actual credibility within all but the shrewdly discriminating of our culture. If her career follows the arc of Justin Timberlake's (an artist who has his own internationally-infused songs), she'll be just fine.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Thirty By Thirty #3 - Stop Buying Comic Books
"When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. But when I became an adult, I set aside childish ways. For now we see in a mirror indirectly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know in part, but then I will know fully, just as I have been fully known."
1 Corinthians 13:11-12
In the spring of 2001, I dropped out of college. Specifically I'd had my fill of the small liberal arts institution I was attending in Wisconsin and decided to move home mid-semester. I moved in with my grandfather for the summer, got a job downtown at a production company and started riding the 156 bus to work. Most days I'd have a little extra time on my way to my stop and I'd duck my head into Big Brain Comics which was located on 10th St at the time.
When I was growing up I read a lot of comic books. My grandmother would buy old issues at garage sales and bring them to our family cabin in Central Minnesota. For the most part they were Archie comics with people being more willing to part with them I'd guess than X-men books. But occasionally there would be a superhero book mixed in. This was providential, of course, because when I was nine the first Michael Keaton Batman movie was released. Suddenly there was an entire realm of knowledge to dive directly into face-first.
Now fast forward back to 2001 when I'm living with my grandfather. I'd wanted to get back into comic books for a while but getting comics in Green Bay was inconvenient if you were like me and lacked a car. Now I was walking past a comic book store everyday on my way to the bus. After doing a little poking around, I took the plunge.
Even though the movie was still a year away, the character I was most interested in was Spider-man. Seeing there was a new title which was less than a year old I bought my first issue of Ultimate Spider-man written by Brian Michael Bendis. I was instantly hooked. I started adding other Bendis titles like DareDevil and other Ultimate titles like Ultimate Marvel Team-Ups. Little did I know there was a comic book renaissance going on which would explode a year later when that first Spider-man movie would push comic books into the collective conscience. I expanded my titles and reading further and further, again discovering new knowledge to drink up.
But like all good things, there needed to be an end. My favorite series "Y: The Last Man" ended in January of 2008. Most of the books I was reading out of habit instead of really wanting to read them. I wasn't spending a lot of money keeping up but it felt more like responsibility than entertainment. So I decided I was going to follow the series "100 Bullets" to its conclusion and that would be it.
The 100th and final issue of "100 Bullets" came out this April. I went into Big Brain (now on Washington Ave but again on my commute home) bought the last issue and put it on the stack of comic books I need to catch up on. I'll probably keep reading comics from time-to-time in graphic novels. The days of buying individual issues though has ended.
I threw the "growing up" tag on this post even though I dislike that phrase. "Growing on" would be a better way to describe setting aside comic books. I've benefited from reading comic books because they taught me a love of reading and of voluminous knowledge and itt would be foolish to lose that message as I separate from the medium.
1 Corinthians 13:11-12
In the spring of 2001, I dropped out of college. Specifically I'd had my fill of the small liberal arts institution I was attending in Wisconsin and decided to move home mid-semester. I moved in with my grandfather for the summer, got a job downtown at a production company and started riding the 156 bus to work. Most days I'd have a little extra time on my way to my stop and I'd duck my head into Big Brain Comics which was located on 10th St at the time.
When I was growing up I read a lot of comic books. My grandmother would buy old issues at garage sales and bring them to our family cabin in Central Minnesota. For the most part they were Archie comics with people being more willing to part with them I'd guess than X-men books. But occasionally there would be a superhero book mixed in. This was providential, of course, because when I was nine the first Michael Keaton Batman movie was released. Suddenly there was an entire realm of knowledge to dive directly into face-first.
Now fast forward back to 2001 when I'm living with my grandfather. I'd wanted to get back into comic books for a while but getting comics in Green Bay was inconvenient if you were like me and lacked a car. Now I was walking past a comic book store everyday on my way to the bus. After doing a little poking around, I took the plunge.
Even though the movie was still a year away, the character I was most interested in was Spider-man. Seeing there was a new title which was less than a year old I bought my first issue of Ultimate Spider-man written by Brian Michael Bendis. I was instantly hooked. I started adding other Bendis titles like DareDevil and other Ultimate titles like Ultimate Marvel Team-Ups. Little did I know there was a comic book renaissance going on which would explode a year later when that first Spider-man movie would push comic books into the collective conscience. I expanded my titles and reading further and further, again discovering new knowledge to drink up.
But like all good things, there needed to be an end. My favorite series "Y: The Last Man" ended in January of 2008. Most of the books I was reading out of habit instead of really wanting to read them. I wasn't spending a lot of money keeping up but it felt more like responsibility than entertainment. So I decided I was going to follow the series "100 Bullets" to its conclusion and that would be it.
The 100th and final issue of "100 Bullets" came out this April. I went into Big Brain (now on Washington Ave but again on my commute home) bought the last issue and put it on the stack of comic books I need to catch up on. I'll probably keep reading comics from time-to-time in graphic novels. The days of buying individual issues though has ended.
I threw the "growing up" tag on this post even though I dislike that phrase. "Growing on" would be a better way to describe setting aside comic books. I've benefited from reading comic books because they taught me a love of reading and of voluminous knowledge and itt would be foolish to lose that message as I separate from the medium.
Thirty By Thirty #2 - Read A Murakami Book
(It's not that I'm falling behind. It's that most of the things I want to do are more conducive to good weather and full employment. What I'm falling behind on is documenting.)
I've recently been thinking about who my favorite authors are and I'm coming to the realization they are almost all authors who are my contemporaries. Not necessarily my peers as they are usually older than me and most definitely more accomplished than me but my contemporaries because they are writing about now. If I had to name my five favorite authors three of them [1] would be writers who are producing excellent work right now while there are many more [2] who I hold a great deal of respect.
I find this to be a thrilling realization. Part of this may be passing beyond the saturation point [3] where the canon has revealed the majority of what it's going to or maybe it's because the level of access to writing is just higher right now [4]. More likely though is the simplest explanation. Right now is just a really good time for literature.
Case in point is the Japanese author Haruki Murakami. Often praised as one of the great post-modern authors and perhaps the greatest author Japan has produced since the war, Murakami has written 12 novels since 1979. Still his 2002 book "Kafka On The Shore" (English Translation 2005) stands amongst his greatest work. He's not slowing down and he's not resting on his laurels.
"Kafka" details the travel stories of two men in Japan with possibly intertwining stories. Murakami uses dream sequences, the supernatural and American advertising figures to suggest a world which isn't real. Which in the end is true. It's a fiction book detailing the lives of fictional characters.
What was so amazing about the book is how the suggestion of unreality in the fictional world pointed back at the reality of the world around you the reader. Murakami may have a character who wears a white suit and a small goatee named Colonel Sanders. He also has his characters taking naps, preparing food and using the bathroom. With these little anchors linking his world back to the real world, he suggest the reader take a deeper awareness of their own life.
Part of the idea behind Thirty By Thirty is to experience new things like reading an author I had not before. It's also about doing things which remind me to be aware of my own life. For that reason I am glad not only to have read "Kafka On the Shore" but also to be living in an era with a wealth of literature.
[1] Klosterman, Gladwell and Simmons
[4] Chang, Pollack, Hornby, Sedaris, Ruiz-Zafon, Martel, Jacobs, Moore, July, Auster, Azzerad, Thompson, Roumeiu, Bendis, Mack, Johns, Morrison
I've recently been thinking about who my favorite authors are and I'm coming to the realization they are almost all authors who are my contemporaries. Not necessarily my peers as they are usually older than me and most definitely more accomplished than me but my contemporaries because they are writing about now. If I had to name my five favorite authors three of them [1] would be writers who are producing excellent work right now while there are many more [2] who I hold a great deal of respect.
I find this to be a thrilling realization. Part of this may be passing beyond the saturation point [3] where the canon has revealed the majority of what it's going to or maybe it's because the level of access to writing is just higher right now [4]. More likely though is the simplest explanation. Right now is just a really good time for literature.
Case in point is the Japanese author Haruki Murakami. Often praised as one of the great post-modern authors and perhaps the greatest author Japan has produced since the war, Murakami has written 12 novels since 1979. Still his 2002 book "Kafka On The Shore" (English Translation 2005) stands amongst his greatest work. He's not slowing down and he's not resting on his laurels.
"Kafka" details the travel stories of two men in Japan with possibly intertwining stories. Murakami uses dream sequences, the supernatural and American advertising figures to suggest a world which isn't real. Which in the end is true. It's a fiction book detailing the lives of fictional characters.
What was so amazing about the book is how the suggestion of unreality in the fictional world pointed back at the reality of the world around you the reader. Murakami may have a character who wears a white suit and a small goatee named Colonel Sanders. He also has his characters taking naps, preparing food and using the bathroom. With these little anchors linking his world back to the real world, he suggest the reader take a deeper awareness of their own life.
Part of the idea behind Thirty By Thirty is to experience new things like reading an author I had not before. It's also about doing things which remind me to be aware of my own life. For that reason I am glad not only to have read "Kafka On the Shore" but also to be living in an era with a wealth of literature.
[1] Klosterman, Gladwell and Simmons
[4] Chang, Pollack, Hornby, Sedaris, Ruiz-Zafon, Martel, Jacobs, Moore, July, Auster, Azzerad, Thompson, Roumeiu, Bendis, Mack, Johns, Morrison
Monday, February 16, 2009
Thirty By Thirty - #1 - Start Taking a Multi-Vitamin
Okay, when I was thinking up things to do for 30 x 30 it wasn't all just glamorous things like "Go parachuting" or "Visit New York City." Sometimes they're just going to be little things which I really should be doing anyway. Taking a multi-vitamin is a good example.
When you're young, you don't have to care about things like eating right. Your margin of error is much higher and you can do most anything without facing really grave consequences you can't recover from. Ask anybody you know about "how much wilder" they were in their youth and you'll surely hear tales of "I can't believe nothing bad happened" from most of them.
Well, later in life is when you start paying for those youthful indulgences and indiscretions. I know this personally from needing to undo years of abuse by losing a lot of weight and now fighting to keep it off. So I need to start thinking now about the little things I can be doing now to pay off positively much later.
Thus I am taking a multi-vitamin. There are some questions about their effectiveness. But I know that I'm most definitely not getting a balanced and completely nutritious diet right now. So I will take a One-A-Day multi-vitamin a vitamin C tablet to make sure I am augmenting my diet correctly.
When you're young, you don't have to care about things like eating right. Your margin of error is much higher and you can do most anything without facing really grave consequences you can't recover from. Ask anybody you know about "how much wilder" they were in their youth and you'll surely hear tales of "I can't believe nothing bad happened" from most of them.
Well, later in life is when you start paying for those youthful indulgences and indiscretions. I know this personally from needing to undo years of abuse by losing a lot of weight and now fighting to keep it off. So I need to start thinking now about the little things I can be doing now to pay off positively much later.
Thus I am taking a multi-vitamin. There are some questions about their effectiveness. But I know that I'm most definitely not getting a balanced and completely nutritious diet right now. So I will take a One-A-Day multi-vitamin a vitamin C tablet to make sure I am augmenting my diet correctly.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
What's Up Goat?
In the wake of dropping the journo-style and not yet ready to start talking about the really personal stuff, I was racking my brains trying to come up with an interesting topic. I was standing at the mirror brushing my teeth when I saw the perfect topic staring right back at me.
One of the things that I've done a pretty good job avoiding in my lifetime [1] is making questionable choices with my appearance. I've adopted a very Lutheran "don't do anything at all to keep from sinning" approach to long or dyed hair, piercings, tattoos, etc. I even dress conservatively to keep from getting singled out. My philosophy is this. I'd rather not be labelled as a freak based upon my appearance. I'd rather that someone has to get to know me before they figure out that I'm a weirdo.
The one weak spot in my plan [2] is facial hair. I will wear the shit out of a beard. I'd like to say it's because I subscribe to an earlier model of masculinity which endorsed facial hair. That wouldn't be truthful. [3] It's more that sometimes I go a few days without shaving and I just kind of keep on going not shaving. Sometimes it becomes a really sweet beard, sometimes it becomes an excellent Sunday Stache. [4]
So with my current office-less employment and the early hour I have to be "there", I had a full palate of facial hair to work with last Sunday. First I cut off the underside. Then I went long the jawline. Finally I cut the cheeks because they always get itchy. Then I stopped. What it left me with is a goatee. [5]
Now there's really only one reason to wear facial hair that still requires the maintenance of regular shaving. You want to look cool. Which isn't always the case. When it's done right, it's very right. When it's done wrong, it's very wrong. There is no middle ground. You either look awesome or like a total tool. [6] But, like I said, my current employment is office-less so my Sunday Goatee became a Why Not All Week? Goatee.
Now I have two lengths of facial hair. There is the goatee which is now two weeks old and the rest covering the cheeks and jawline which is a week old. [7] I'm thinking I'll keep it for now and let it grow. It's going to turn cold here in Minnesota soon and having a beard is a good thing in the winter. Also all of my friends are sporting beards and this will give me a lead on Grow-vember. I mean, growing a beard is normally what people do while rededicating their lives, right? You're damn right. [8]
[1] Along with low door frames and tiger attack.
[2] Save for an earring I had for a year and then forgot about.
[3] Actually my model of being a man is more like this.
[4] When you don't shave for a whole week and then make hilarious shapes in your facial hair as you shave it on Sunday, especially when you wear it that way all day to be funny.
[5] Which is actually a Van Dyke. Like the word "irony", the dictionary definition of "goatee" differs from its real world application.
[6] Dumas, Ariel. "Don't Grow a Goatee, Mike." (1998)
[7] Still shaving the neck. Ladies, if you think in-grown hairs suck on your legs, imagine them on your throat.
[8] You should see the html of this entry. It's a little busy.
One of the things that I've done a pretty good job avoiding in my lifetime [1] is making questionable choices with my appearance. I've adopted a very Lutheran "don't do anything at all to keep from sinning" approach to long or dyed hair, piercings, tattoos, etc. I even dress conservatively to keep from getting singled out. My philosophy is this. I'd rather not be labelled as a freak based upon my appearance. I'd rather that someone has to get to know me before they figure out that I'm a weirdo.
The one weak spot in my plan [2] is facial hair. I will wear the shit out of a beard. I'd like to say it's because I subscribe to an earlier model of masculinity which endorsed facial hair. That wouldn't be truthful. [3] It's more that sometimes I go a few days without shaving and I just kind of keep on going not shaving. Sometimes it becomes a really sweet beard, sometimes it becomes an excellent Sunday Stache. [4]
So with my current office-less employment and the early hour I have to be "there", I had a full palate of facial hair to work with last Sunday. First I cut off the underside. Then I went long the jawline. Finally I cut the cheeks because they always get itchy. Then I stopped. What it left me with is a goatee. [5]
Now there's really only one reason to wear facial hair that still requires the maintenance of regular shaving. You want to look cool. Which isn't always the case. When it's done right, it's very right. When it's done wrong, it's very wrong. There is no middle ground. You either look awesome or like a total tool. [6] But, like I said, my current employment is office-less so my Sunday Goatee became a Why Not All Week? Goatee.
Now I have two lengths of facial hair. There is the goatee which is now two weeks old and the rest covering the cheeks and jawline which is a week old. [7] I'm thinking I'll keep it for now and let it grow. It's going to turn cold here in Minnesota soon and having a beard is a good thing in the winter. Also all of my friends are sporting beards and this will give me a lead on Grow-vember. I mean, growing a beard is normally what people do while rededicating their lives, right? You're damn right. [8]
[1] Along with low door frames and tiger attack.
[2] Save for an earring I had for a year and then forgot about.
[3] Actually my model of being a man is more like this.
[4] When you don't shave for a whole week and then make hilarious shapes in your facial hair as you shave it on Sunday, especially when you wear it that way all day to be funny.
[5] Which is actually a Van Dyke. Like the word "irony", the dictionary definition of "goatee" differs from its real world application.
[6] Dumas, Ariel. "Don't Grow a Goatee, Mike." (1998)
[7] Still shaving the neck. Ladies, if you think in-grown hairs suck on your legs, imagine them on your throat.
[8] You should see the html of this entry. It's a little busy.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
A Challenge From A Friend
A friend recently challenged me to give up the journo-style of writing I've used writing this blog and the last one. Part of the reason I used that style is because I can generate a lot of it really easily. (Just being honest.) More importantly I used it because I wanted to write about what I thought about things that were happening in the world instead of talking about what's happening with me.
Usually things that are happening with me fall into two categories. Either they're stuff that is too personal to talk about (I have about three of those things right now) or they're things which aren't really that interesting. I think that makes sense and is probably the case with most people. So even when I do talk about my own life, it's because I participate in it. I present it like a reporter who wanted to make sure all of the facts were right over talking about the experience of being there.
So I'm using this post as a declaration of dropping the journo-style and with it the detached subject matter. If you want to know what I thought of the Broken Social Scene show last night or the Presidential election, you'll have to ask me directly. I'm going to migrate into a different style for a while and see what's over there. This will no longer be a blog of ideas. It will be a blog of Mike Herman.
Usually things that are happening with me fall into two categories. Either they're stuff that is too personal to talk about (I have about three of those things right now) or they're things which aren't really that interesting. I think that makes sense and is probably the case with most people. So even when I do talk about my own life, it's because I participate in it. I present it like a reporter who wanted to make sure all of the facts were right over talking about the experience of being there.
So I'm using this post as a declaration of dropping the journo-style and with it the detached subject matter. If you want to know what I thought of the Broken Social Scene show last night or the Presidential election, you'll have to ask me directly. I'm going to migrate into a different style for a while and see what's over there. This will no longer be a blog of ideas. It will be a blog of Mike Herman.
Friday, August 15, 2008
A Week At Home - Midweek Report
(I had this all typed up on Wednesday but the Internetz ated it. Take two.)
After the stick throwing and all of Saturday, Sunday was my first day to settle in here. Our original plan was to get up, have some breakfast and go watch the USA Mens Basketball team play China. Well, after getting up once the game was already over, the plan changed a bit. What was still on was some breakfast and we went to Victor's 1959.
Victor's 1959 Cuban Cafe is south of Uptown at 38th and Grand. They serve traditional breakfast food which is fine if you're not feeling adventurous. But the reason to go to Victor's is because they do Cuban breakfast. My bro had mango pancakes for example. I had the dia y noche (day and night) which is black beans in white rice with a side of roasted plantains and toast with guava jelly. There's a word for what it is and it's yum.
Afterwards we went to Dreamhaven Comics which is closing at its current location in Uptown. Thus there are a lot of deals and I wasn't prepared at all. I could've easily gone inside and left giggling madly with an arm full of comics. Restraint was the name of the game and I was able to practice it. I left with only five comics and a wedding gift for some friends. I'd say what the gift is except I know they read my blog. (Hi CJ and Elaine!) Then we went back to Dan's place to read our recently acquired material.
We ended the night with dinner at my dad's place. He was grilling out and made us burgers. My dad also gave my brother, my step-cousin and I all watches. It's a really nice watch and I'll be able to wear it with work clothes. Normally I just use my cell phone as a clock. But in this case, it really is the thought that counts.
The rest of the week has been a lot more straight-forward. Just about everybody I know has work so I've been taking it easy. That doesn't mean I've been bored. The order of the day for Monday through Thursday was catching up with friends and going to Twins games.
On Monday I hung out with Nicky. I met her new pomeranian, we went to Plan B Coffee and then went to Cheapo for a massive CD purchase. I bought six CDs including Massive Attack "Blue Lines", Murs "3:16" and the Jarvis Cocker solo album. She dropped me back at my bro's place, I watched a little "Lost" and waited for Todd to pick me up for the Twins game.
The Twins game itself was excellent. Todd and I sat in the left field bleachers with his friends Rob and Anthony, Adam Everett hit a "Really? Adam Everett?" homerun into the stands in front of us and Glen Perkins pitched eight innings of shutout baseball. Even better, because the White Sox lost, the Twins took a small half game lead in the division.
Tuesday was similar but doubled. I got up in the morning, took a bus out to Longfellow and had brunch with SayRock. We went to the Longfellow Grill for breakfast and catching up. The best quote of the day (and I'm paraphrasing) was "I exude a certain granola-ness. But you look like the sort of person who does eat beef." After brunch I immediately ran back to the light-rail and took the train downtown to have lunch with Brian. We had Thai food from the Sawatdee Express and got a chance to catch up.
On Tuesday night, a large group including my brother, my cousin and my step-cousin and I went to the Twins game and sat in the upper deck in front of the Hrbek banner. Mike Mussina pitched a good game for the Yankees and the Twins were down three runs when we left in the middle of the eighth inning. The new rule of thumb is that we aren't leaving any game early if it's a save situation and the Twins are coming to bat. Mike Redmond started the inning with a double, Randy Ruiz hit a one out single and we were turning on the radio in the car in time to hear the fans who stayed cheering for Delmon Young's three-run homer. The Yankees did win in the 13th inning but it would've been thrilling to be there when Delmon hit a homer.
I know because he hit another three-run homer on Wednesday. Todd came by early and we drove out to the Twins Pro Shop at Ridgedale for another splurge purchase. I got a 2006 Division Champs shirt on sale, a home Santana jersey also on sale, a Morneau t-shirt jersey and a Mauer alternate home jersey if for no other reason than he's dreamy. We were on a rocket to get back down to the Dome in time to meet Ellen O who procured excellent seats behind home plate on the Twins dugout side and twenty rows up in Section 127. Kevin Slowey gave up only one run in six innings, Brian "I'll Get You A Hit Only With Runners In Scoring Position" Buscher hit a sacrifice fly to drive in Mauer and Delmon hit the aforementioned three-run homer to send us home having witnessed another Twins victory.
Wednesday night I went to Galactic Pizza with Patrick, Don and SayRock. We had the Paul Bunyan which is made of all local Minnesota ingredients on top of being very yummy. I didn't have a hemp brownie this time around though they really are worth it. We instead went for Sonny's ice cream at Crema Cafe.
Yesterday, without a Twins game to attend, I slept in and then bummed around the city. My high school friend Pete came to pick me up from my brother's and we went to my home-away-from-home, Leaning Tower of Pizza. I may be exagerating a bit. But I do want it noted that they stopped carding me five years ago even when they card everyone else at the table.
Today I'm again bumming around the city and may end up at the Twins game tonight. Francisco Liriano IS pitching. Six days down, Three to go.
After the stick throwing and all of Saturday, Sunday was my first day to settle in here. Our original plan was to get up, have some breakfast and go watch the USA Mens Basketball team play China. Well, after getting up once the game was already over, the plan changed a bit. What was still on was some breakfast and we went to Victor's 1959.
Victor's 1959 Cuban Cafe is south of Uptown at 38th and Grand. They serve traditional breakfast food which is fine if you're not feeling adventurous. But the reason to go to Victor's is because they do Cuban breakfast. My bro had mango pancakes for example. I had the dia y noche (day and night) which is black beans in white rice with a side of roasted plantains and toast with guava jelly. There's a word for what it is and it's yum.
Afterwards we went to Dreamhaven Comics which is closing at its current location in Uptown. Thus there are a lot of deals and I wasn't prepared at all. I could've easily gone inside and left giggling madly with an arm full of comics. Restraint was the name of the game and I was able to practice it. I left with only five comics and a wedding gift for some friends. I'd say what the gift is except I know they read my blog. (Hi CJ and Elaine!) Then we went back to Dan's place to read our recently acquired material.
We ended the night with dinner at my dad's place. He was grilling out and made us burgers. My dad also gave my brother, my step-cousin and I all watches. It's a really nice watch and I'll be able to wear it with work clothes. Normally I just use my cell phone as a clock. But in this case, it really is the thought that counts.
The rest of the week has been a lot more straight-forward. Just about everybody I know has work so I've been taking it easy. That doesn't mean I've been bored. The order of the day for Monday through Thursday was catching up with friends and going to Twins games.
On Monday I hung out with Nicky. I met her new pomeranian, we went to Plan B Coffee and then went to Cheapo for a massive CD purchase. I bought six CDs including Massive Attack "Blue Lines", Murs "3:16" and the Jarvis Cocker solo album. She dropped me back at my bro's place, I watched a little "Lost" and waited for Todd to pick me up for the Twins game.
The Twins game itself was excellent. Todd and I sat in the left field bleachers with his friends Rob and Anthony, Adam Everett hit a "Really? Adam Everett?" homerun into the stands in front of us and Glen Perkins pitched eight innings of shutout baseball. Even better, because the White Sox lost, the Twins took a small half game lead in the division.
Tuesday was similar but doubled. I got up in the morning, took a bus out to Longfellow and had brunch with SayRock. We went to the Longfellow Grill for breakfast and catching up. The best quote of the day (and I'm paraphrasing) was "I exude a certain granola-ness. But you look like the sort of person who does eat beef." After brunch I immediately ran back to the light-rail and took the train downtown to have lunch with Brian. We had Thai food from the Sawatdee Express and got a chance to catch up.
On Tuesday night, a large group including my brother, my cousin and my step-cousin and I went to the Twins game and sat in the upper deck in front of the Hrbek banner. Mike Mussina pitched a good game for the Yankees and the Twins were down three runs when we left in the middle of the eighth inning. The new rule of thumb is that we aren't leaving any game early if it's a save situation and the Twins are coming to bat. Mike Redmond started the inning with a double, Randy Ruiz hit a one out single and we were turning on the radio in the car in time to hear the fans who stayed cheering for Delmon Young's three-run homer. The Yankees did win in the 13th inning but it would've been thrilling to be there when Delmon hit a homer.
I know because he hit another three-run homer on Wednesday. Todd came by early and we drove out to the Twins Pro Shop at Ridgedale for another splurge purchase. I got a 2006 Division Champs shirt on sale, a home Santana jersey also on sale, a Morneau t-shirt jersey and a Mauer alternate home jersey if for no other reason than he's dreamy. We were on a rocket to get back down to the Dome in time to meet Ellen O who procured excellent seats behind home plate on the Twins dugout side and twenty rows up in Section 127. Kevin Slowey gave up only one run in six innings, Brian "I'll Get You A Hit Only With Runners In Scoring Position" Buscher hit a sacrifice fly to drive in Mauer and Delmon hit the aforementioned three-run homer to send us home having witnessed another Twins victory.
Wednesday night I went to Galactic Pizza with Patrick, Don and SayRock. We had the Paul Bunyan which is made of all local Minnesota ingredients on top of being very yummy. I didn't have a hemp brownie this time around though they really are worth it. We instead went for Sonny's ice cream at Crema Cafe.
Yesterday, without a Twins game to attend, I slept in and then bummed around the city. My high school friend Pete came to pick me up from my brother's and we went to my home-away-from-home, Leaning Tower of Pizza. I may be exagerating a bit. But I do want it noted that they stopped carding me five years ago even when they card everyone else at the table.
Today I'm again bumming around the city and may end up at the Twins game tonight. Francisco Liriano IS pitching. Six days down, Three to go.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Changing Body Math III: The Return of the Update
A little less than three months has passed since I made my last post about the weight I've lost and that means I'm due for another post containing the math of it all.
In the past nine months I've lost 53 pounds dropping my weight from 305 to 252. I've also reduced my body fat composition from 30% to 24%. As I mentioned in the last post about my weight loss, the goals for no longer being obese are 263 pounds and 25% body fat. So you can see that I am healthily under the bar for both metrics.
Multiply those numbers together and I've lost 31 pounds of body fat and 22 pounds of water weight. If 4.5% of the 6% of body mass change is new muscle then I've also added about 11 pound of muscle too. So add 505 calories burned each day just for that new muscle existing meaning I can netting out a pound of fat less every 6.4 days without lifting a weight or spending any time on the elliptical.
Having lost 50 pounds and no longer being obese, I've basically achieved my goals in wanting to lose weight. Now the goal is to maintain my weight, lower my body fat even further and not have to think about the numbers anymore. I'll keep going to the gym three to five times a week and I'm sure I'll keep losing weight for a while. It just won't be as necessary to quantify it which is a good feeling to have.
In the past nine months I've lost 53 pounds dropping my weight from 305 to 252. I've also reduced my body fat composition from 30% to 24%. As I mentioned in the last post about my weight loss, the goals for no longer being obese are 263 pounds and 25% body fat. So you can see that I am healthily under the bar for both metrics.
Multiply those numbers together and I've lost 31 pounds of body fat and 22 pounds of water weight. If 4.5% of the 6% of body mass change is new muscle then I've also added about 11 pound of muscle too. So add 505 calories burned each day just for that new muscle existing meaning I can netting out a pound of fat less every 6.4 days without lifting a weight or spending any time on the elliptical.
Having lost 50 pounds and no longer being obese, I've basically achieved my goals in wanting to lose weight. Now the goal is to maintain my weight, lower my body fat even further and not have to think about the numbers anymore. I'll keep going to the gym three to five times a week and I'm sure I'll keep losing weight for a while. It just won't be as necessary to quantify it which is a good feeling to have.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Changing Body Math Update
It's been about four months since I made my first post (I realize I made a math error which I'll point out below but I didn't feel like going back to change.) about working out and losing weight so I figured I was due for an update.
In the last six months, I've dropped my weight from 305 lbs. to 270 lbs for a gross loss of 35 lbs. When I started working out I had 30% body fat and have trimmed that number down to 26%. Multiply all those respective numbers together and I've gone from carrying 91.5 lbs. of fat down to 70.2 lbs. There are 21.3 lbs. of fat (the weight of this 1 year old dog) which *poof* no longer exist.
The other 14 lbs is water weight. Last time I accounted this weight as gaining muscle which is simply not the case. Unless I were losing bone density or giving away internal organs, this is just my body adjusting the amount of water it holds. Think about the blood maintaining the fat which is no longer needed and reabsorbed by the body and it makes sense.
The correct way of figuring out the muscle I've added goes back to the body fat percentage. I've lost 4% of fat which means that a greater proportion is made up of something else now. There are factors like my bones becoming more dense but for the most part it's muscle taking up a greater proportion of my overall weight. Conservatively saying 3% is new muscle growth and 1% other factors that means I've gained 8.1 lbs of muscle in the last six months or about as much as one gallon of water weighs.
1 pound of muscle burns 50 calories at day which means that I'm burning an additional 405 calories per day simply by changing my body makeup. Out of the Bs, that's the same as 2 plain bagels, 4 bananas or light beers, 5.4 oz of blue cheese dressing, about 10 spears of brocolli or 40.5 tbsp. of BBQ sauce. To put it another way, at rate of 405 calories a day, a pound of fat would burn away in about eight and a half days. And that's just existing at rest, not taking into account that muscle actually getting used when I work out.
The thing which I have a greater understanding of since I wrote my last post is that I shouldn't be as concerned with my weight as much as I should be focused on my body fat percentage. According to the BMI scale, I'm obese and will be until I can slide under 263 lbs with a goal of 218 to be on the high end of normal.
Well, if we go back to the top, my baseline weight which includes bones, organs, muscle and water weight but not fat is about 200 lbs. To be 218 pounds, assuming my bones growing more dense and my muscles getting stronger equals my water weight loss, I could carry only 18 lbs. of fat. for a very athletic 8% body fat. For some perspective, Michael Jordan (a world-class athelete) weighed 216 lbs. during his last year in the NBA. And that's the top end of what they consider "normal."
If you focus on body fat percentage instead a different picture emerges. By this metric being over 25% body fat for a male is obese. So let's say I maintain my present weight but lose that 1% body fat. That's only 2.7 lbs. of fat I need to lose. Even if I drop my another 10 pounds to 260, the north end of what I weighed during college and consider a good guideline, I'll need to shed 5.2 lbs of body fat to get to 25%.
There is work yet to be done. Still results are happening and there's no reason why I can't achieve my goals over the next few months. I knew this was going to be at least a year-long process when I started six months ago. With the progress I've made, it looks like I can start setting some goals further out than I expected.
In the last six months, I've dropped my weight from 305 lbs. to 270 lbs for a gross loss of 35 lbs. When I started working out I had 30% body fat and have trimmed that number down to 26%. Multiply all those respective numbers together and I've gone from carrying 91.5 lbs. of fat down to 70.2 lbs. There are 21.3 lbs. of fat (the weight of this 1 year old dog) which *poof* no longer exist.
The other 14 lbs is water weight. Last time I accounted this weight as gaining muscle which is simply not the case. Unless I were losing bone density or giving away internal organs, this is just my body adjusting the amount of water it holds. Think about the blood maintaining the fat which is no longer needed and reabsorbed by the body and it makes sense.
The correct way of figuring out the muscle I've added goes back to the body fat percentage. I've lost 4% of fat which means that a greater proportion is made up of something else now. There are factors like my bones becoming more dense but for the most part it's muscle taking up a greater proportion of my overall weight. Conservatively saying 3% is new muscle growth and 1% other factors that means I've gained 8.1 lbs of muscle in the last six months or about as much as one gallon of water weighs.
1 pound of muscle burns 50 calories at day which means that I'm burning an additional 405 calories per day simply by changing my body makeup. Out of the Bs, that's the same as 2 plain bagels, 4 bananas or light beers, 5.4 oz of blue cheese dressing, about 10 spears of brocolli or 40.5 tbsp. of BBQ sauce. To put it another way, at rate of 405 calories a day, a pound of fat would burn away in about eight and a half days. And that's just existing at rest, not taking into account that muscle actually getting used when I work out.
The thing which I have a greater understanding of since I wrote my last post is that I shouldn't be as concerned with my weight as much as I should be focused on my body fat percentage. According to the BMI scale, I'm obese and will be until I can slide under 263 lbs with a goal of 218 to be on the high end of normal.
Well, if we go back to the top, my baseline weight which includes bones, organs, muscle and water weight but not fat is about 200 lbs. To be 218 pounds, assuming my bones growing more dense and my muscles getting stronger equals my water weight loss, I could carry only 18 lbs. of fat. for a very athletic 8% body fat. For some perspective, Michael Jordan (a world-class athelete) weighed 216 lbs. during his last year in the NBA. And that's the top end of what they consider "normal."
If you focus on body fat percentage instead a different picture emerges. By this metric being over 25% body fat for a male is obese. So let's say I maintain my present weight but lose that 1% body fat. That's only 2.7 lbs. of fat I need to lose. Even if I drop my another 10 pounds to 260, the north end of what I weighed during college and consider a good guideline, I'll need to shed 5.2 lbs of body fat to get to 25%.
There is work yet to be done. Still results are happening and there's no reason why I can't achieve my goals over the next few months. I knew this was going to be at least a year-long process when I started six months ago. With the progress I've made, it looks like I can start setting some goals further out than I expected.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Once I Start I Cannot Stop Myself
A few weekends ago Susie and I were riding in our car. She was driving and I was riding shotgun which means I'm in charge of keeping good music on the radio. We were listening to Jack-FM when "Closer" comes on. It's easy to forget what a good song it is. Almost fifteen years ago it's really good for both shaking your fists or for shaking your ass.
I like "The Fragile" as much as I like "Pretty Hate Machine." Still the matter is Trent Reznor writes better songs when they drive. When he's being atmospheric and ambient, he's good enough to get by. When he's rocking (and not in the way the new R.E.M. album strives to rock), there are few who can keep up. Which is why I was happy as I listened to the new Internet-released Nine Inch Nails album, "The Slip." Here are some of the songs which stuck out for me.
999,999 Just a minute and a half of ambient humming. One might ask what's the point of putting a track like this on an album. It's kind of a waste of space on your hard drive. I like to think about it within the context of "the album as a performance." This track is like the moment when the lights go down and before the band steps on stage. This is the album telling you to get ready for the show to start. Hence the connection between the title of this song...
1,000,000 ...and this song. Like a good concert opener, it immediately grabs you and like a good NIN song, it punches you in the mouth for a good four minutes. There's a moment I love three minutes into the song. The song stops abruptly and you ask yourself, "Is that the end?" Then it comes back in after four or five seconds like comic timing. It absolutely slays me.
Letting You I was one of a few kids in middle and high school who were good at sports but not a jock-ass-motherfucker. So while I didn't hang out behind the loading docks sneaking smokes, I heard of Nine Inch Nails before "Closer" entered my peer group about 1995. (Things were different back then and it might take a year between the release of an album and when it even high school freshmen had heard it.) The first Nine Inch Nails song I ever heard was actually "Happiness in Slavery" on a cassette of songs from Woodstock '94. This song absolutely takes me back to that moment.
Discipline There's this phrase which was created by the early-80s English ska band and oft co-opted since then: FUCK ART LET'S DANCE. You can sing all of the songs of pain and angst you want. Unless you throw in a song you can move to occassionally, you're just complaining. So let's dance motherfucker. See: Boy, Fall Out.
Lights In the Sky Okay, I take back a bit of what I said earlier about Trent being good enough to get by when he writes "quiet" songs. Because, if I really am being honest, the best song he ever wrote was not "Closer" but "Hurt" as completely validated by Johnny Cash. This song is just Trent's voice and a piano sounding as heart-achingly beautiful as both are possible of being.
(Hi CJ. How are you?)
I like "The Fragile" as much as I like "Pretty Hate Machine." Still the matter is Trent Reznor writes better songs when they drive. When he's being atmospheric and ambient, he's good enough to get by. When he's rocking (and not in the way the new R.E.M. album strives to rock), there are few who can keep up. Which is why I was happy as I listened to the new Internet-released Nine Inch Nails album, "The Slip." Here are some of the songs which stuck out for me.
999,999 Just a minute and a half of ambient humming. One might ask what's the point of putting a track like this on an album. It's kind of a waste of space on your hard drive. I like to think about it within the context of "the album as a performance." This track is like the moment when the lights go down and before the band steps on stage. This is the album telling you to get ready for the show to start. Hence the connection between the title of this song...
1,000,000 ...and this song. Like a good concert opener, it immediately grabs you and like a good NIN song, it punches you in the mouth for a good four minutes. There's a moment I love three minutes into the song. The song stops abruptly and you ask yourself, "Is that the end?" Then it comes back in after four or five seconds like comic timing. It absolutely slays me.
Letting You I was one of a few kids in middle and high school who were good at sports but not a jock-ass-motherfucker. So while I didn't hang out behind the loading docks sneaking smokes, I heard of Nine Inch Nails before "Closer" entered my peer group about 1995. (Things were different back then and it might take a year between the release of an album and when it even high school freshmen had heard it.) The first Nine Inch Nails song I ever heard was actually "Happiness in Slavery" on a cassette of songs from Woodstock '94. This song absolutely takes me back to that moment.
Discipline There's this phrase which was created by the early-80s English ska band and oft co-opted since then: FUCK ART LET'S DANCE. You can sing all of the songs of pain and angst you want. Unless you throw in a song you can move to occassionally, you're just complaining. So let's dance motherfucker. See: Boy, Fall Out.
Lights In the Sky Okay, I take back a bit of what I said earlier about Trent being good enough to get by when he writes "quiet" songs. Because, if I really am being honest, the best song he ever wrote was not "Closer" but "Hurt" as completely validated by Johnny Cash. This song is just Trent's voice and a piano sounding as heart-achingly beautiful as both are possible of being.
(Hi CJ. How are you?)
Saturday, April 12, 2008
FREE JASON KUBEL!!!
One of the great disadvantages to living so far from home is being a sports fan deep in enemy territory. You're out of synch with the people around you and that can be a lonely feeling. When your hometown team's rookie wide receiver or rookie running back runs like a goddamn gazelle with its ass on fire through the defense of the team representing your temporary home, you will hardly find a sympathetic ear for your cries of triumphant joy. You simply become That Guy, i.e. the out-of-towner who shatters the "my team is actually superior to yours despite the fact I only cheer for this team because of where I was raised." Noone wants to become That Guy.
Your love for that which has mattered to you since you were old enough to sit with your dad in front of the TV or pick up and read the sports page becomes a chaste love. Like a war widow, you follow the travails and victories of your chosen via dispatches and report. It is a quiet place where you live and it is a quiet fandom you follow. Until the day your beloved visits you in your far off temporary home. Then it's on like Donkey Kong.
Last summer I had a co-worker who bought season tickets in the upper deck at Comiskey. Since they're a family with small kids, they put more than a few of the tickets up for sale and I snatched up the Twins games. Not a few here and there. All of them. I saw a lot of live baseball last summer between the Twins-Sox games and on two occasions ending up with the company seats at Wrigley.
This summer that same co-worker is now pregnant and not a season-ticket holder, I decided it was well worth it to just splurge on a pair of good seats for one game and not need to force my baseball addiction upon those I love. I am also eyeing a trip up to Milwaukee in June for the Twins-Brewers games, especially now that I know the gals from Yeah Buddy! are planning to make the sojourn. But let me digress.
An evening trip to Comiskey Park in April requires a little bit of planning ahead. All White Sox night games begin at 7:11 (and, yes, it's for that reason). This means the sun is going down as you enter the park and most if not all of the game will be played under cover of night. Since it's an outdoor ballpark, you will need to wear your winter jacket and plan on bringing a blanket for your legs. I hope these are the nights all of the proponents of an outdoor stadium in Minneapolis decide to mosey on down behind the Target Center. The elements are cold and cutting this time of year which made the crowd thin and sparse in even the most relatively dense sections.
The main question I had attire-wise was whether I should wear my authentic Johan Santana jersey. It was going to be either underneath my workshirt (where it had been all day) providing me warmth or it would be out in the open drawing the ire of White Sox fans around me. I was already wearing a Twins jacket and I already almost died once this week and figured I'd push my luck. One of my first trips to Comiskey in 2006 involved another Twins-attired fan seeing my jersey and giving me daps and I wanted to feel that fanly comraderie again, briefly no longer stuck on an island. Susie got to the park a little after me and we settled in for the game.
The Twins came out of the gate like a shot. The White Sox starter John Danks looked shaky from ball one through four to Carlos Gomez. Gomez got picked off but Danks didn't settle down. Brendan Harris singled to right, Mauer singled to left, Morneau walked and Delmon Young singled in Harris. Then strode to the plate the once and future king of the franchises' potential, Jason Kubel. He only flew a sacrifice fly out to Nick Swisher in centerfield driving home Mauer. But, like the clockwork of baseball's inner narratives, the scene was set.
Let's fast forward through some solid pitching by Yeah Buddy!-endorsed Scott Baker and some equally shaky pitching by Danks to the top of the third inning. Harris singled to center, Mauer went monkey-see, monkey-do to left and Morneau also went to left to make it three in a row. Young struck out swinging and again the Twins needed Kubel to come through with men on base. A lot of sweat and perspiration is expended in baseball thinking about the top of the batting order which is probably justified since those batters hit most often in a game. Still it's the teams who can drive men in with their sixth through ninth hitters who really excell. There bestrode Kubel to break the levee and let loose the vaunted Big Inning. He only singled to right scoring Harris. But Danks was shaken and, after a bases-loaded walk of Craig Monroe, he was pulled for Nick Massett. Add on a Mike Lamb single scoring Morneau and a Carlos Gomez double scoring Monroe and Lamb and the Twins had batted around to a 7-0 lead.
When Susie and I were settling at the beginning of the game, some White Sox fans with beers in their hands sat down in front of us. Who knows if those were their actual seats but it was were they were going to sit. Not to say that all White Sox fans are like this but these guys lived up to the cliche. So when Nick Swisher hit a solo homer with two outs in the bottom of the inning, the most rowdy of them made sure to pop up out of his seat to give me a high five. Way to follow the game, Ramanujan. I made sure to share a running-"How many runs ARE still you behind?" tab with him as Paul Konerko and Joe Crede hit solo homeruns in each of the next two innings.
The top of the sixth began with Gomez grounding out to short. Harris doubled to center, Mauer advanced him to third on a fielder's choice, Morneau took his base on an intentional walk and Young watched a fourth ball on a 3-2 count to load the bases. Guess who came to the plate. It was our man, Jason Kubel. You can probably guess what happened next. I'd held out sending texts to my White Sox fan friend Dave during the early run-batting-in extravaganzas. This warranted a "Put it on the board. YES!"
The evening was getting late by now and I was starting to lose feeling in my toes. During the seventh inning stretch, Susie and I decided to bug out and take the long train-ride home. I gave some high fives to fellow Twins fans on the way out, Susie took a picture of me to represent Danks' performance and then I talked about the emerging greatness of Mr. Kubel with some fellow fans on the train. All told I don't know how the evening could've gone any better.
Your love for that which has mattered to you since you were old enough to sit with your dad in front of the TV or pick up and read the sports page becomes a chaste love. Like a war widow, you follow the travails and victories of your chosen via dispatches and report. It is a quiet place where you live and it is a quiet fandom you follow. Until the day your beloved visits you in your far off temporary home. Then it's on like Donkey Kong.
Last summer I had a co-worker who bought season tickets in the upper deck at Comiskey. Since they're a family with small kids, they put more than a few of the tickets up for sale and I snatched up the Twins games. Not a few here and there. All of them. I saw a lot of live baseball last summer between the Twins-Sox games and on two occasions ending up with the company seats at Wrigley.
This summer that same co-worker is now pregnant and not a season-ticket holder, I decided it was well worth it to just splurge on a pair of good seats for one game and not need to force my baseball addiction upon those I love. I am also eyeing a trip up to Milwaukee in June for the Twins-Brewers games, especially now that I know the gals from Yeah Buddy! are planning to make the sojourn. But let me digress.
An evening trip to Comiskey Park in April requires a little bit of planning ahead. All White Sox night games begin at 7:11 (and, yes, it's for that reason). This means the sun is going down as you enter the park and most if not all of the game will be played under cover of night. Since it's an outdoor ballpark, you will need to wear your winter jacket and plan on bringing a blanket for your legs. I hope these are the nights all of the proponents of an outdoor stadium in Minneapolis decide to mosey on down behind the Target Center. The elements are cold and cutting this time of year which made the crowd thin and sparse in even the most relatively dense sections.
The main question I had attire-wise was whether I should wear my authentic Johan Santana jersey. It was going to be either underneath my workshirt (where it had been all day) providing me warmth or it would be out in the open drawing the ire of White Sox fans around me. I was already wearing a Twins jacket and I already almost died once this week and figured I'd push my luck. One of my first trips to Comiskey in 2006 involved another Twins-attired fan seeing my jersey and giving me daps and I wanted to feel that fanly comraderie again, briefly no longer stuck on an island. Susie got to the park a little after me and we settled in for the game.
The Twins came out of the gate like a shot. The White Sox starter John Danks looked shaky from ball one through four to Carlos Gomez. Gomez got picked off but Danks didn't settle down. Brendan Harris singled to right, Mauer singled to left, Morneau walked and Delmon Young singled in Harris. Then strode to the plate the once and future king of the franchises' potential, Jason Kubel. He only flew a sacrifice fly out to Nick Swisher in centerfield driving home Mauer. But, like the clockwork of baseball's inner narratives, the scene was set.
Let's fast forward through some solid pitching by Yeah Buddy!-endorsed Scott Baker and some equally shaky pitching by Danks to the top of the third inning. Harris singled to center, Mauer went monkey-see, monkey-do to left and Morneau also went to left to make it three in a row. Young struck out swinging and again the Twins needed Kubel to come through with men on base. A lot of sweat and perspiration is expended in baseball thinking about the top of the batting order which is probably justified since those batters hit most often in a game. Still it's the teams who can drive men in with their sixth through ninth hitters who really excell. There bestrode Kubel to break the levee and let loose the vaunted Big Inning. He only singled to right scoring Harris. But Danks was shaken and, after a bases-loaded walk of Craig Monroe, he was pulled for Nick Massett. Add on a Mike Lamb single scoring Morneau and a Carlos Gomez double scoring Monroe and Lamb and the Twins had batted around to a 7-0 lead.
When Susie and I were settling at the beginning of the game, some White Sox fans with beers in their hands sat down in front of us. Who knows if those were their actual seats but it was were they were going to sit. Not to say that all White Sox fans are like this but these guys lived up to the cliche. So when Nick Swisher hit a solo homer with two outs in the bottom of the inning, the most rowdy of them made sure to pop up out of his seat to give me a high five. Way to follow the game, Ramanujan. I made sure to share a running-"How many runs ARE still you behind?" tab with him as Paul Konerko and Joe Crede hit solo homeruns in each of the next two innings.
The top of the sixth began with Gomez grounding out to short. Harris doubled to center, Mauer advanced him to third on a fielder's choice, Morneau took his base on an intentional walk and Young watched a fourth ball on a 3-2 count to load the bases. Guess who came to the plate. It was our man, Jason Kubel. You can probably guess what happened next. I'd held out sending texts to my White Sox fan friend Dave during the early run-batting-in extravaganzas. This warranted a "Put it on the board. YES!"
The evening was getting late by now and I was starting to lose feeling in my toes. During the seventh inning stretch, Susie and I decided to bug out and take the long train-ride home. I gave some high fives to fellow Twins fans on the way out, Susie took a picture of me to represent Danks' performance and then I talked about the emerging greatness of Mr. Kubel with some fellow fans on the train. All told I don't know how the evening could've gone any better.
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