I realize a lot of what people don't like about blogs is their inanity. I'd agree because I hate reading long posts about the minutia of someone's life. But I'm not going to confuse seeming nothingness with inanity. With that in mind, here's what amused me about this weekend.
When I flew into Minneapolis on Thanksgiving Day, that ticket bought the day before my flight also bought me a "random" check from TSA. I guess the message if you plan to attack America's transportation system is to book your ticket in advance.
Orbitz fonked up my car reservation so I had to rent on the spot at the airport. I chose a PT Cruiser. Susie and I were singing Axel-Rose-esque homages to it all weekend. CRUI-SER!!!
The key to three different Thanksgiving meals is you have to pace yourself. The thing you can't control is eating "weird" food. I had the same Thanksgiving meal I've had since I was little bookended by other people's "normal" Thanksgiving meals. It's not bad, just different. Both of these factors added up to me not gorging myself.
On Friday Susie and I went to brunch and then the Mall of America with Todd. While Susie visited a friend at work, I played Todd in a quick game of putt-putt golf. I was pleased to see the mini-golf course was back in the MOA. There isn't anything else which works in that space. I shot five over while Todd was plus sixteen.
Later that night, Susie's family celebrated birthdays and I showed up at the end. All of the really little kids were ready for bed. But Susie's oldest nephew stayed up so she and I taught him how to tickle people.
Then her nephew was playing air-horn on "Jericho" (as in "And the walls came tumbling down..."). Somehow it seemed like a good opportunity to teach him about bebop and jazz. I was imitating Dizzy Gillespie riffs and that made him laugh.
Susie and I flew back on Saturday morning. It was nice to be home. But it was also nice to get back to Chicago and have a full weekend here too. We watched "Rear Window" as well as the rest of the "Flight of the Conchords" episodes and generally chilled out.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Grar-r-r-r-r!
Friday night I met someone from back home on the Red Line. He noticed my Minnesota Twins jacket as I was embarking the train and introduced me to his girlfriend who was right there. The further our conversation progressed, the more I realized he was drunk. It was subtle.
As the train came back above ground and I started answering text messages, he kind of went back into his moment and kept to himself for a little bit. Then he turned to me.
"Do you ever think about screaming obscenities on the train like you have Tourettes?"
"Well," I said. "I have seen a man with Tourettes on the train."
"Yeah, but just imagine being on the train with your buddies and saying 'Hey,..." He made the hand motion for "Keep this quiet but watch this."
I have nothing against the Tourette's Syndrome joke. The desire to scream obscenities is only part of what is an otherwise misunderstood disease. But the joke is kind of obvious in a high school boy / late night television sort of way.
The man went back into his own moment again. He stayed really quiet. Until he took a deep breath and let out a Wookie growl.
"Ma-a-a-a-a-aaaaaaah."
Everyone went silent and I started laughing.
"Maaa-a-a-a-a-ah."
Curiosity of what he would do next made me think about staying on the train. At the same time, I had groceries and more than enough material already. He took what is a really pedestrian kind of joke and made it into his own. Well-played to do that and make me laugh.
I was amused as I exited the train.
As the train came back above ground and I started answering text messages, he kind of went back into his moment and kept to himself for a little bit. Then he turned to me.
"Do you ever think about screaming obscenities on the train like you have Tourettes?"
"Well," I said. "I have seen a man with Tourettes on the train."
"Yeah, but just imagine being on the train with your buddies and saying 'Hey,..." He made the hand motion for "Keep this quiet but watch this."
I have nothing against the Tourette's Syndrome joke. The desire to scream obscenities is only part of what is an otherwise misunderstood disease. But the joke is kind of obvious in a high school boy / late night television sort of way.
The man went back into his own moment again. He stayed really quiet. Until he took a deep breath and let out a Wookie growl.
"Ma-a-a-a-a-aaaaaaah."
Everyone went silent and I started laughing.
"Maaa-a-a-a-a-ah."
Curiosity of what he would do next made me think about staying on the train. At the same time, I had groceries and more than enough material already. He took what is a really pedestrian kind of joke and made it into his own. Well-played to do that and make me laugh.
I was amused as I exited the train.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
WWGD?
I keep a jar in my closet where I put the change I accumulate each day. Every time it's full I take it to a bank and have them turn it into bills. Today I went to Chase Bank near my work and asked them to count and consolidate the change in my jar.
They wouldn't count it if I wasn't a Chase Bank customer which I think it ludicrious. I was exchanging legal tender for legal tender. I wasn't asking them to cash a check from a different bank or anything like that. All I wanted was for them to use their machine to count the change and to give me an appropriate amount of bills back.
After arguing for five minutes including the particularly strong point that they could've run the machine and given me the bills in the time we'd argued, I left the bank feeling emasculated. I was going over the incident in my head as I walked away when it came to me. The answer to feeling better would be the answer to a simple question.
"What Would Guil Do?"
Guil, for those of you who don't know, is one of my best friends. He lived across the hall from me during our freshman year of college, I stood up in his wedding and ten years of knowing him means knowing he usually comes out on top. Not always because he's right either. Sometimes it's just being a good negotiator and not giving up on your point for any reason whatsoever.
As I walked to the closest Jewel grocery store to use one of their 9% charging coin-counting machines, I started to think about what Guil would've done. As I emptied my jar into the machine, what Guil would've done was forming in my mind. As I sat down at Jimmy John's for lunch, I was smiling. I knew exactly what I should've done.
I should've asked for the supervisor. Once I was talking to the supervisor about how stupid it is and that the cashier was being rude to me and raising her voice to me, I'm sure they would've counted my change and even apologized for inconveniencing me. Despite, of course, me not even being a customer of Chase Bank.
I can't wait for the next time my jar is full.
They wouldn't count it if I wasn't a Chase Bank customer which I think it ludicrious. I was exchanging legal tender for legal tender. I wasn't asking them to cash a check from a different bank or anything like that. All I wanted was for them to use their machine to count the change and to give me an appropriate amount of bills back.
After arguing for five minutes including the particularly strong point that they could've run the machine and given me the bills in the time we'd argued, I left the bank feeling emasculated. I was going over the incident in my head as I walked away when it came to me. The answer to feeling better would be the answer to a simple question.
"What Would Guil Do?"
Guil, for those of you who don't know, is one of my best friends. He lived across the hall from me during our freshman year of college, I stood up in his wedding and ten years of knowing him means knowing he usually comes out on top. Not always because he's right either. Sometimes it's just being a good negotiator and not giving up on your point for any reason whatsoever.
As I walked to the closest Jewel grocery store to use one of their 9% charging coin-counting machines, I started to think about what Guil would've done. As I emptied my jar into the machine, what Guil would've done was forming in my mind. As I sat down at Jimmy John's for lunch, I was smiling. I knew exactly what I should've done.
I should've asked for the supervisor. Once I was talking to the supervisor about how stupid it is and that the cashier was being rude to me and raising her voice to me, I'm sure they would've counted my change and even apologized for inconveniencing me. Despite, of course, me not even being a customer of Chase Bank.
I can't wait for the next time my jar is full.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Everyday I'm Hustlin'
The end of the year is coming and that means my job is heating up again. Between the months of January, February and March, the first quarter is by far the worst time of my entire year. I have to file some form of report be it annual, semi-annual or quarterly in an veto-overriding majority of the states between the first of the year and Tax Day as well as completing the rest of my work.
The good news is a lot of the licensing stuff is going to come off my plate. After it was originally plopped onto my plate unexpectedly back at the beginning of the month, I compiled a list of what I needed to do to do my additional duties in addition to my prior job. I presented it to my boss showing him the sheer number of things I need to do was overwhelming. Just as importantly, the likelihood I'd not be able to complete something in time really scared the piss out of me and thus him.
So help is on the way. They aren't going to employ someone new as there really may be only a little more than a half job to each of my positions. Instead we'll be farming most of the actual processing out to another company who will do it for us. I'll still be the person in charge of coordinating and collecting the material. Thus my job isn't in jeopardy. However it does mean I still need to learn everything useful to know about licensing.
I also have to make sure we're buttoning down the surplus lines stuff properly too. We've been pretty far behind since I got there and we'll only really catch up because I'll kill myself to get it done for the annuals. The last thing I want is to have something from 2006 trip me up in 2008.
All of this for a company I haven't even been employed by for a whole year yet. I enjoy the challenge and I prefer being a busy body to being bored out of my mind. It's a good job for me because I lose motivation if something is too easy and mindless. However there are sometimes I think about whether those above me really understand the work involved. Maybe a wunderkind of some sort could do my job much better and more efficiently. If you could get someone like that to take my job that is. Until they can, they're stuck with me.
(Happy Halloween Everybody!!!)
The good news is a lot of the licensing stuff is going to come off my plate. After it was originally plopped onto my plate unexpectedly back at the beginning of the month, I compiled a list of what I needed to do to do my additional duties in addition to my prior job. I presented it to my boss showing him the sheer number of things I need to do was overwhelming. Just as importantly, the likelihood I'd not be able to complete something in time really scared the piss out of me and thus him.
So help is on the way. They aren't going to employ someone new as there really may be only a little more than a half job to each of my positions. Instead we'll be farming most of the actual processing out to another company who will do it for us. I'll still be the person in charge of coordinating and collecting the material. Thus my job isn't in jeopardy. However it does mean I still need to learn everything useful to know about licensing.
I also have to make sure we're buttoning down the surplus lines stuff properly too. We've been pretty far behind since I got there and we'll only really catch up because I'll kill myself to get it done for the annuals. The last thing I want is to have something from 2006 trip me up in 2008.
All of this for a company I haven't even been employed by for a whole year yet. I enjoy the challenge and I prefer being a busy body to being bored out of my mind. It's a good job for me because I lose motivation if something is too easy and mindless. However there are sometimes I think about whether those above me really understand the work involved. Maybe a wunderkind of some sort could do my job much better and more efficiently. If you could get someone like that to take my job that is. Until they can, they're stuck with me.
(Happy Halloween Everybody!!!)
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Fantasy Basketball
Last Saturday I drafted my fantasy basketball team for the league my brother organized with some fellow FreeDarko readers. It's a Head-To-Head league with a PG, a SG, a SF, a PF, a C, a Util and 3 bench spots. This is my team, ShrkAttcksArntReal.
PG Gilbert Arenas (Was - PG)
SG Allen Iverson (Den - PG,SG)
SF Carmelo Anthony (Den - SF)
PF Carlos Boozer (Uta - PF,C)
C Zydrunas Ilgauskas (Cle - C)
Util Lamar Odom (LAL - SF,PF)
Bench Ben Gordon (Chi - SG)
Bench Richard Hamilton (Det - SG)
Bench Boris Diaw (Pho - PF,C)
In fact, here's my draft order.
1. (6) Gilbert Arenas
2. (15) Carmelo Anthony
3. (26) Carlos Boozer
4. (35) Allen Iverson
5. (46) Lamar Odom
6. (55) Ben Gordon
7. (66) Richard Hamilton
8. (75) Zydrunas Ilgauskas
9. (86) Boris Diaw
I took Gil in the first round because I wanted a competent PG who could both score and dish assists. The list is pretty short for guys who can do that on an elite level so I moved quickly. In fact, the only other guy I was considering in the first round who I knew was shoulders above his competition at his position was Yao Ming at the C.
In fact, I had Yao in the hopper when he was picked one pick before mine in the second round. So instead I went with Carmelo Anthony. It was kind of an easy pick since he was hands down the best guy left on the board in my opinion. I like Pau Gasol, Tracy McGrady and some of the other guys drafted before my 3rd round pick came up. But Melo felt like a 2nd round pick and I felt comfortable taking him instead of grabbing someone like Ray Allen too early.
Carlos Boozer was my pick in the third round. Again, I felt confident taking Boozer in comparison to taking someone about whom I had questions. Just as a reference the next four picks after mine were Gerald Wallace, Al Jefferson, Vince Carter and Rashard Lewis. Maybe Paul Pierce, the first pick of the 4th round, would've been a nice selection. But he plays either SG or SF and those are easily duplicable positions (and I already have Melo).
Then the fourth round I made a "I can't believe this guy is still available" pick to grab Allen Iverson. Normally I don't take two key players from the same team because I worry that they will steal stats from each other. He's still A.I. Though he may not be as dominating as he once was, there's still meat left on his bones. Plus he plays PG and I place a premium on that position. So, as I said, I picked him and felt grateful that he was still there. (Just as a reference, such luminaries as Andre Iguodala, Tyson Chandler, Caron Butler and Emeka Okafor were all selected before I picked A.I.)
Now we get into the rounds where only true basketball fans know who you're talking about. In the fifth round, I took the well-rounded Lamar Odom. He plays power-forward for the Lakers which means he gets his share of rebounds. At the same time, he plays point-forward in the Laker's triangle offense which means he gets assists.
I took Ben Gordon with my pick in the sixth round and Richard Hamilton in the seventh round for basically the same reason. Points are really easy to get and to get a lot of all at once. If a player gets 15 rebounds or assists in a game, that's a pretty big deal. If you see a guy scored 15 points, that's almost pedestrian. So it's necessary to have a team which can score points consistently no matter whose team is playing that night and who is off. Both Gordon and Hamilton provide that as either the first or second highest scorer on their teams from night to night. Add in that Gordon gives me a reason to cheer on the Bulls and it's two more picks I felt good making.
In the penultimate round I took Zydrunas Ilgauskas. I needed a center and Big Z was the best player left who filled that need. I actually had Andris Biedrins in the hopper ready to go when he was taken the pick before mine. Somehow I don't feel bad though. Instead of getting a Latvian, I got a Russian taking bounce passes from LeBron James. I have a feeling this will all work out.
Then I kept my final pick international as well and took Boris Diaw of France and the Phoenix Suns. Othe guys were making speculative picks in this round which I didn't understand. Players like Randy Foye, Darko Milicic and Nene Hilario may have breakout seasons. But Diaw has kind of proven himself as the league's Most Improved Player two years ago. I feel a lot better about him producing than Tyrus Thomas (and that C-eligibility doesn't hurt either).
Which is the sum of my draft and it might be a little obvious. I like the team I ended up with. From the first round to the ninth, I feel like I got a good player who wasn't a reach and even felt like I got a steal in a few instances. We'll see how my team plays once the season is on. For now, I think I got the best of the bunch.
PG Gilbert Arenas (Was - PG)
SG Allen Iverson (Den - PG,SG)
SF Carmelo Anthony (Den - SF)
PF Carlos Boozer (Uta - PF,C)
C Zydrunas Ilgauskas (Cle - C)
Util Lamar Odom (LAL - SF,PF)
Bench Ben Gordon (Chi - SG)
Bench Richard Hamilton (Det - SG)
Bench Boris Diaw (Pho - PF,C)
In fact, here's my draft order.
1. (6) Gilbert Arenas
2. (15) Carmelo Anthony
3. (26) Carlos Boozer
4. (35) Allen Iverson
5. (46) Lamar Odom
6. (55) Ben Gordon
7. (66) Richard Hamilton
8. (75) Zydrunas Ilgauskas
9. (86) Boris Diaw
I took Gil in the first round because I wanted a competent PG who could both score and dish assists. The list is pretty short for guys who can do that on an elite level so I moved quickly. In fact, the only other guy I was considering in the first round who I knew was shoulders above his competition at his position was Yao Ming at the C.
In fact, I had Yao in the hopper when he was picked one pick before mine in the second round. So instead I went with Carmelo Anthony. It was kind of an easy pick since he was hands down the best guy left on the board in my opinion. I like Pau Gasol, Tracy McGrady and some of the other guys drafted before my 3rd round pick came up. But Melo felt like a 2nd round pick and I felt comfortable taking him instead of grabbing someone like Ray Allen too early.
Carlos Boozer was my pick in the third round. Again, I felt confident taking Boozer in comparison to taking someone about whom I had questions. Just as a reference the next four picks after mine were Gerald Wallace, Al Jefferson, Vince Carter and Rashard Lewis. Maybe Paul Pierce, the first pick of the 4th round, would've been a nice selection. But he plays either SG or SF and those are easily duplicable positions (and I already have Melo).
Then the fourth round I made a "I can't believe this guy is still available" pick to grab Allen Iverson. Normally I don't take two key players from the same team because I worry that they will steal stats from each other. He's still A.I. Though he may not be as dominating as he once was, there's still meat left on his bones. Plus he plays PG and I place a premium on that position. So, as I said, I picked him and felt grateful that he was still there. (Just as a reference, such luminaries as Andre Iguodala, Tyson Chandler, Caron Butler and Emeka Okafor were all selected before I picked A.I.)
Now we get into the rounds where only true basketball fans know who you're talking about. In the fifth round, I took the well-rounded Lamar Odom. He plays power-forward for the Lakers which means he gets his share of rebounds. At the same time, he plays point-forward in the Laker's triangle offense which means he gets assists.
I took Ben Gordon with my pick in the sixth round and Richard Hamilton in the seventh round for basically the same reason. Points are really easy to get and to get a lot of all at once. If a player gets 15 rebounds or assists in a game, that's a pretty big deal. If you see a guy scored 15 points, that's almost pedestrian. So it's necessary to have a team which can score points consistently no matter whose team is playing that night and who is off. Both Gordon and Hamilton provide that as either the first or second highest scorer on their teams from night to night. Add in that Gordon gives me a reason to cheer on the Bulls and it's two more picks I felt good making.
In the penultimate round I took Zydrunas Ilgauskas. I needed a center and Big Z was the best player left who filled that need. I actually had Andris Biedrins in the hopper ready to go when he was taken the pick before mine. Somehow I don't feel bad though. Instead of getting a Latvian, I got a Russian taking bounce passes from LeBron James. I have a feeling this will all work out.
Then I kept my final pick international as well and took Boris Diaw of France and the Phoenix Suns. Othe guys were making speculative picks in this round which I didn't understand. Players like Randy Foye, Darko Milicic and Nene Hilario may have breakout seasons. But Diaw has kind of proven himself as the league's Most Improved Player two years ago. I feel a lot better about him producing than Tyrus Thomas (and that C-eligibility doesn't hurt either).
Which is the sum of my draft and it might be a little obvious. I like the team I ended up with. From the first round to the ninth, I feel like I got a good player who wasn't a reach and even felt like I got a steal in a few instances. We'll see how my team plays once the season is on. For now, I think I got the best of the bunch.
Monday, October 15, 2007
Can you spare a superstar or two?
Last night as K Dog and I were discussing the Vikings-Bears game in a way which basically constituted me teasing him that Adrian Peterson had such a good game because Rex Grossman was playing free safety. I also admitted that if the Vikings had actually blown their 14 point lead with 3:30 to go, this weekend would've been the prime example of why I don't really care for football.
The day after the Golden Gophers were unable to even beat the team made up of smart kids, the Vikings would've stomach punched me. Why would I care for a sport where these are the two teams which represent me? Fortunately the Vikings won and I got to bust K Dog's balls about how the game would've been different if Lance Briggs and Brian Urlacher had been in the game.
Because honestly this would've been a truly heart-breaking year to be a Minnesota sports fan if the Vikings really sucked instead of just sucking with a few glimmers or two of hope. That would be on top of the KG trade which we're all waiting to see on and the Twins kind of losing their way with the symbolic if nothing else departures of Terry Ryan and, soon to be, Torii Hunter. K Dogg said it would be like 1998 Boston all over again.
He's kind of right though we'd be better to expand it out to a timeframe covering the end of 1996 to the beginning of 1998. All that happened in Boston sports between those two markers is the Patriots advanced to and then lost the Super Bowl, the Celtics won fewer than 20 games in a season and then didn't win Tim Duncan's draft rights either and the Red Sox finished 6 games under .500 while Roger Clemens won the Cy Young in Toronto. I'm sure there were plenty of Boston sports fans who spent most of 1997 dying with their teams and hating when and where they were born.
The fantastic thing is Boston is enjoying a sports renaissance right now with the Patriots dominating the NFL, the Red Sox looking like the team to beat in baseball and the Celtics sporting three all-time greats. It would also be remiss of me to not point out they are doing it with three players who were the hope for the future in Minnesota sports in 1998, Randy Moss, Kevin Garnett and David Ortiz. As nice as it must be to have those guys now, we Minnesota fans feel like they were ours first.
It lead me to thinking about what midmarket municipality's current players I would want in about 9 years. The answer which pops in to my mind is Cleveland. Wouldn't you like your chances if I told you in 9 years you'd be cheering for the primes of Grady Sizemore, Brady Quinn and LeBron James? The people of Cleveland are looking forward to that possibility right now. Except it's not going to happen.
As the case of Minnesota in 1998 shows there's plenty which can go wrong along the way. I don't think any of the three Cleveland players are headcases on the level of Moss nor do I think the Cavs will be signing any illegal contracts with mid-level talents. Still if we're talking about Grady Sizemore carrying the Yankees to the World Series, Brady Quinn leading the Jets to the Super Bowl and LeBron James restoring the luster to the Knicks in 2016, remember we had this conversation all the way back when.
The day after the Golden Gophers were unable to even beat the team made up of smart kids, the Vikings would've stomach punched me. Why would I care for a sport where these are the two teams which represent me? Fortunately the Vikings won and I got to bust K Dog's balls about how the game would've been different if Lance Briggs and Brian Urlacher had been in the game.
Because honestly this would've been a truly heart-breaking year to be a Minnesota sports fan if the Vikings really sucked instead of just sucking with a few glimmers or two of hope. That would be on top of the KG trade which we're all waiting to see on and the Twins kind of losing their way with the symbolic if nothing else departures of Terry Ryan and, soon to be, Torii Hunter. K Dogg said it would be like 1998 Boston all over again.
He's kind of right though we'd be better to expand it out to a timeframe covering the end of 1996 to the beginning of 1998. All that happened in Boston sports between those two markers is the Patriots advanced to and then lost the Super Bowl, the Celtics won fewer than 20 games in a season and then didn't win Tim Duncan's draft rights either and the Red Sox finished 6 games under .500 while Roger Clemens won the Cy Young in Toronto. I'm sure there were plenty of Boston sports fans who spent most of 1997 dying with their teams and hating when and where they were born.
The fantastic thing is Boston is enjoying a sports renaissance right now with the Patriots dominating the NFL, the Red Sox looking like the team to beat in baseball and the Celtics sporting three all-time greats. It would also be remiss of me to not point out they are doing it with three players who were the hope for the future in Minnesota sports in 1998, Randy Moss, Kevin Garnett and David Ortiz. As nice as it must be to have those guys now, we Minnesota fans feel like they were ours first.
It lead me to thinking about what midmarket municipality's current players I would want in about 9 years. The answer which pops in to my mind is Cleveland. Wouldn't you like your chances if I told you in 9 years you'd be cheering for the primes of Grady Sizemore, Brady Quinn and LeBron James? The people of Cleveland are looking forward to that possibility right now. Except it's not going to happen.
As the case of Minnesota in 1998 shows there's plenty which can go wrong along the way. I don't think any of the three Cleveland players are headcases on the level of Moss nor do I think the Cavs will be signing any illegal contracts with mid-level talents. Still if we're talking about Grady Sizemore carrying the Yankees to the World Series, Brady Quinn leading the Jets to the Super Bowl and LeBron James restoring the luster to the Knicks in 2016, remember we had this conversation all the way back when.
... another opens.
I'd grown out of the journalistic style of Captain Handsome and didn't feel I'd written anything really good in that style in a long while. It may've been interesting but it wasn't the stuff I felt inspired to write anymore. Since I'm switching to a new style, I also decided to move to a new home. I'm going to keep my old handle so I can read and comment on posts at the old place. But I won't be posting over there anymore.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)