Bebop, putt-putt and other forms of alliterative onomatopoeia.

I realize a lot of what people don't like about blogs is their inanity. I'd agree because I hate reading long posts about the minutia of someone's life. But I'm not going to confuse seeming nothingness with inanity. With that in mind, here's what amused me about this weekend.

When I flew into Minneapolis on Thanksgiving Day, that ticket bought the day before my flight also bought me a "random" check from TSA. I guess the message if you plan to attack America's transportation system is to book your ticket in advance.

Orbitz fonked up my car reservation so I had to rent on the spot at the airport. I chose a PT Cruiser. Susie and I were singing Axel-Rose-esque homages to it all weekend. CRUI-SER!!!

The key to three different Thanksgiving meals is you have to pace yourself. The thing you can't control is eating "weird" food. I had the same Thanksgiving meal I've had since I was little bookended by other people's "normal" Thanksgiving meals. It's not bad, just different. Both of these factors added up to me not gorging myself.

On Friday Susie and I went to brunch and then the Mall of America with Todd. While Susie visited a friend at work, I played Todd in a quick game of putt-putt golf. I was pleased to see the mini-golf course was back in the MOA. There isn't anything else which works in that space. I shot five over while Todd was plus sixteen.

Later that night, Susie's family celebrated birthdays and I showed up at the end. All of the really little kids were ready for bed. But Susie's oldest nephew stayed up so she and I taught him how to tickle people.

Then her nephew was playing air-horn on "Jericho" (as in "And the walls came tumbling down..."). Somehow it seemed like a good opportunity to teach him about bebop and jazz. I was imitating Dizzy Gillespie riffs and that made him laugh.

Susie and I flew back on Saturday morning. It was nice to be home. But it was also nice to get back to Chicago and have a full weekend here too. We watched "Rear Window" as well as the rest of the "Flight of the Conchords" episodes and generally chilled out.

Grar-r-r-r-r!

Friday night I met someone from back home on the Red Line. He noticed my Minnesota Twins jacket as I was embarking the train and introduced me to his girlfriend who was right there. The further our conversation progressed, the more I realized he was drunk. It was subtle.

As the train came back above ground and I started answering text messages, he kind of went back into his moment and kept to himself for a little bit. Then he turned to me.

"Do you ever think about screaming obscenities on the train like you have Tourettes?"

"Well," I said. "I have seen a man with Tourettes on the train."

"Yeah, but just imagine being on the train with your buddies and saying 'Hey,..." He made the hand motion for "Keep this quiet but watch this."

I have nothing against the Tourette's Syndrome joke. The desire to scream obscenities is only part of what is an otherwise misunderstood disease. But the joke is kind of obvious in a high school boy / late night television sort of way.

The man went back into his own moment again. He stayed really quiet. Until he took a deep breath and let out a Wookie growl.

"Ma-a-a-a-a-aaaaaaah."

Everyone went silent and I started laughing.

"Maaa-a-a-a-a-ah."

Curiosity of what he would do next made me think about staying on the train. At the same time, I had groceries and more than enough material already. He took what is a really pedestrian kind of joke and made it into his own. Well-played to do that and make me laugh.

I was amused as I exited the train.

WWGD?

I keep a jar in my closet where I put the change I accumulate each day. Every time it's full I take it to a bank and have them turn it into bills. Today I went to Chase Bank near my work and asked them to count and consolidate the change in my jar.

They wouldn't count it if I wasn't a Chase Bank customer which I think it ludicrious. I was exchanging legal tender for legal tender. I wasn't asking them to cash a check from a different bank or anything like that. All I wanted was for them to use their machine to count the change and to give me an appropriate amount of bills back.

After arguing for five minutes including the particularly strong point that they could've run the machine and given me the bills in the time we'd argued, I left the bank feeling emasculated. I was going over the incident in my head as I walked away when it came to me. The answer to feeling better would be the answer to a simple question.

"What Would Guil Do?"

Guil, for those of you who don't know, is one of my best friends. He lived across the hall from me during our freshman year of college, I stood up in his wedding and ten years of knowing him means knowing he usually comes out on top. Not always because he's right either. Sometimes it's just being a good negotiator and not giving up on your point for any reason whatsoever.

As I walked to the closest Jewel grocery store to use one of their 9% charging coin-counting machines, I started to think about what Guil would've done. As I emptied my jar into the machine, what Guil would've done was forming in my mind. As I sat down at Jimmy John's for lunch, I was smiling. I knew exactly what I should've done.

I should've asked for the supervisor. Once I was talking to the supervisor about how stupid it is and that the cashier was being rude to me and raising her voice to me, I'm sure they would've counted my change and even apologized for inconveniencing me. Despite, of course, me not even being a customer of Chase Bank.

I can't wait for the next time my jar is full.